Wednesday, November 16, 2011

11 to Go...

Well, chemo number 1 began yesterday at Cedars.  I'll be there for the first few treatments and then plan to transfer over to the Westlake office.  It's funny.  At Cedars, I have a private room, a bed, a tv/dvd player and a recliner for my guest.  All this comes in handy when you're there for six to eight hours at a time.  At Westlake, I have a chair in a community area.  It's like the Four Seasons vs. Motel 6.  But it's only three minutes away!

So a lot has changed in the last 24 hours.
 You see, had I started chemo just one day earlier, I would have been a mess.  As you can tell from my last post, I was mad.  Confused.  Depressed.  Down.  You name it.  But the night before I was to start chemo, a friend of mine sent me an email.

"I thought of you the minute I read the title of this email and felt I had to share it with you," she wrote.  The email was from MOPS (Mothers of PreSchoolers) and it was titled, "Be Still."  Hmmm, isn't that my life's motto?

So I read the brief article and it just hit me.  Be Still.  Those two words just sunk into my heart and soul.  Again.  I replied to her email, "Perfection.  Thank you."  I needed that.

A few hours later, I was watching Diane Sawyer's interview with Gabby Giffords, the Arizona senator who was shot through the brain outside of a grocery store about ten months ago.  Her Mom received the phone call that she had been shot.  As she drove to the hospital, her Mom told Diane, "I can't explain this to you, but I heard God say to me, Be still and know that I am God.  And I don't even think I had ever heard that verse before."  

It hit me again. 
Be Still.

What also impacted me during that interview is had you seen Gabby days after she was shot, she was vacant.  Her eyes were open, but she wasn't there.  Her brain was clearly not working.  One may have thought she'd stay that way forever.  But she didn't.  Fast forward 10 months, and she's vibrant.  And she's speaking.  Not complete and full sentences, but it's only been 10 months.  But she's herself again.  She's glowing.  She's beautiful. And considered a miracle to all who have worked with her.

And that gave me peace.

So I thank God for His hand upon me.  I know it was always there, but I think I kind of kept pushing it off.   I recently told someone that I came to the realization that I was 10% mad at God and 90% mad at me.   And she responded, "Well, that's better than me.  Because I'm 50/50."  And that broke my heart.
And that's what I didn't want my story to do to someone.  Have a friend lose faith.  Have a sister get mad.  
But I hope what my story does do is remind you to cling to Jesus despite the circumstances.  Cling.  How else do you face a tough time with peace and true joy?  But with Jesus. 

And I thank all of you for lifting myself and my family up in prayer.  I can't tell you how many texts and emails I received just yesterday during my treatment telling me I was in your prayers.   You guys are the best.

So as my husband reminded me as we pulled into the driveway late last night, "1 down, 11 to go."

11 to go. 
And I thank God 
that He'll be with me through 
each and every one of them.


  1. I am praying for you! I remember my first treatment and my Husband would count them down for me, every time, just like your Husband did. I also wanted to thank you for the necklace it was so sweet of you to send it to me.

  2. Ruthie, I love that word "cling." That is certainly what I have had to do these past 5 months since my Dad's illness.

    I pray these treatments will go as smoothly as they possibly can and that you will literally feel God's hand over you as you continue on this difficult journey.

    Blessings to you!