Friday, April 29, 2011


Well, this week I was a failure.  A big one.  I met with my doctor Tuesday morning to hear that she found something on my cat scan that wasn’t there on the last one. Maybe cancer.  Maybe scar tissue.  We scheduled a pet scan for yesterday.  
That appointment with her rocked my world.  I know there’s a chance my cancer can return, but so soon?  Didn’t I just blog about my one-year anniversary of being chemo free?  I wanted to bask in that a little longer.
So, being completely honest, I was a zombie for two days.  I told only a few people.  Didn’t tell my family.  Didn’t want to worry them.  They’ve worried enough about me this past year.  
I cried all day and all night.  I cried at Costco.  I cried taking out my trash cans.  I cried at stop lights.  
But wasn’t I the girl who’s been speaking at bible studies (five so far!) about how God has given me such peace throughout my cancer journey?  Wasn’t I telling everyone to stand on Phillipians 4:6-7 

“Don’t worry about anything.  Instead pray about everything.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I haven’t lied.  God did wrap me in His peace from the moment my ears heard the word “cancer” almost two years ago.  And I absolutely believe in Phillipians 4:6-7.
It wasn’t until two precious friends of mine left this on my front porch the night before my pet scan.

Each balloon held the words to
Isaiah 41:10

"So do not be afraid, for I am with you.  
Do not be dismayed,
for I am your God.
I will help you."
As I sat with this verse later that night, it reminded me to stand firm on His promises.  I was not standing on them.  I had a third of my baby toe ever so lightly resting on them.

So two hours after the pet scan, while buying chocolate covered almonds (dark ones remember!), I received a phone call from my nurse Paula telling me in such an excited voice, “It’s normal!  The pet scan was normal!  Enjoy your life!”  I love Paula.
So I pretty much failed my first real cancer scare.  

So what did I learn this week? 

 I think it was to rely on His Word daily.  
Not just when you need it.  
Live it.  
Learn it.  
Apply it.  
Memorize it.  
Breathe it.  
Know it.  
Share it.  
Believe it.  
Stand on it.  
I’m human.  I hate that.  

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Happy He is Risen Day!

Happy He is Risen Day!
I used to say Happy Easter.
I love Happy He is Risen Day! so much more.

This Easter has meant so much to me.  So much so, that I 
completely forgot that the Easter Bunny is even involved in this holiday.  
I forgot that he fills Easter baskets and hides colored eggs.
I remembered that this morning.  Not two weeks ago.  This morning.
And I love that I didn't decorate my house with every Easter decoration that
I've ever bought.  No need.  Antique rabbits and little sweet baskets 
never saw the light of day at my house this month.  A first!

Although I did place one small vintage postcard in our dining room mirror.

My thoughts were not focused on rabbits and chicks.  
But rather, on the fact that He is Risen!

That's all the Easter decorating I did this year.
Oh wait, I forgot.  Besides placing the He is Risen sign above my daisies,
I did tuck our big plastic Easter eggs
in the flowers in front of the picket fence.   
My neighbor told me her son looks forward to seeing those.
  Can't disappoint him.

And another difference this year.

 I took the kids to the Good Friday service at church.
Never done that before.
And my sister invited us today to see the Passion Play
at Grace Baptist Church in Santa Clarita.
Amazing.  Utterly amazing.
On a scale from 1 to 10, it's a 20.
You MUST see that next year.
I will see it every year.

Isn't this a beautiful cross in a beautiful setting?
As we were walking back to our car after the play,
I saw it tucked behind the church parking lot.
I had to take a picture.

Whenever I find myself back in Santa Clarita,
I hope to take the time to sit beside it.
And honor Him.
In silence.
With tears in my eyes.
And joy in my heart.

For what He did for me, and you,
is truly humbling.
And amazing.

"He is not here;
for He is risen!"

Matthew 28:6

Friday, April 22, 2011

Amazing Friday...

Today is Good Friday.  
I think it should be called Amazing Friday.
Or I-Can't-Believe-He-Did-That-For-Us Friday.
Or Thank-You-Jesus Friday.
Or Loved-Us-So-Much Friday.
Good Friday just doesn't do it for me.

Regardless of the title, I thank Him
for dying on the cross for us.   
I stepped on a staple last night in my bare feet and it 
brought me to tears.
I can't imagine having nails driven into
my wrists and my feet.

Thank you Jesus for your grace.
Thank you Jesus for the promise of Heaven.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

One Year Ago...

It just dawned on me that my one-year anniversary of being chemo free came and went a few days ago.  I love that it slipped my mind.  
I love that I was too busy to notice.  

My life, post cancer, is what I always hoped it would be.  
A life filled with joy. 
 A life in which very little slips by without much appreciation.  
A life that’s, in all honesty, too good to be true.   
This too-good-to-be-true life comes with horrifically curly hair, 
periodic cat scans 
and some nasty scars.  
But more importantly,
 it comes with an indescribable sense of peace.  
And peace trumps horrifically curly hair any day!
Thank you for carrying me through this trial.
Thank you for your indescribable peace.  
Thank you for the best year of my life.