Monday, January 2, 2012

There's Only Two Choices..

Happy belated New Year to you!

I've had so many posts I've wanted to write since my last one, but somehow my words haven't made it onto my computer.  

I'll give you the Reader's Digest version (aka short and sweet) of my last few weeks.  My last two treatments (numbers 3 and 4) have come with a nice little kicker - infection, high fever, unbelievable aches, ER visits and a hospitalization.  Fun, huh?  Those things better not follow me into the New Year.  Three days following chemo, the flu-like symptoms start to rear their ugly head.  I'll spare you the medical hypothesis as to why my doctors think it's happening.  Apparently, it just happens to some of us lucky ones.  And my next treatment is tomorrow.  Yay.  Can't wait.

So I was originally told that I would need 12 treatments.  Tomorrow is number 5.  But I was also told that if by number 6 my numbers are low enough (I need my tumor marker in the single digits), that chemo would end.  My CA125 number at the onset of this recurrence was in the 500s.  After just 3 treatments, it's down to 65.  (That news was my early Christmas present).  So if you would like to pray for me, my prayer is that it's God's will for chemo to wrap up in the next couple of weeks and that I won't have to endure another 7 more of these fun little episodes.

But let me briefly tell you about my week's stay at the hospital.  My first two days were the sickest I've ever been.  Hands down.  Bar none.  You got it.  I felt like a piece of uncooked bacon that had to stand up and walk to the bathroom.  I just couldn't do it.    I remember laying in bed with my eyes closed, too weak to open them, and hearing Ed, my parents and my sister's muffled conversations.  I also remember singing "Praise the Lord, Oh My Soul" (a song I learned 20 years ago, and I only know bits of it) over and over and over again.  For two days.  It brought this piece of uncooked bacon so much peace.

Two days later, once the antibiotics kicked in, I was a new girl.  I went from 0 to 100 and was so grateful.  So grateful, in fact, that I couldn't sleep for two nights.  I was so amped up that I felt so good, that I couldn't settle myself down.   That's what good health will do to a sick person - create insomnia!  And during that time, I met a nurse who I just fell in love with.  We shared our faith with each other every time she walked in my room, I gave her a copy of Jesus Calling and I loaded her down with can't do cancer without God necklaces.  I hope they make their way around every single room on that oncology floor at Los Robles Hospital via my new friend/the Lord's ambassador.

So that's the update on me.  And while I was laying around these last couple of weeks, I wondered what my New Year's message would be to all of you when I got the inspiration to finally blog again.   And I think it's what I told my son as we were talking before bedtime one night.  "When times get tough, you can either run to God or away from God.  That's it.  Those are the only two choices.  And if you pick the first one, your life will be immeasurably better than if you pick the last one."

So maybe if something hits you hard this year 
(or if it continues to follow you into the New Year), 
you can find a quiet place and say, 

"Lord, I give this to you.  I can't do it by myself.  I lay this at your feet and in your capable hands.  I love you and I trust you."

  And mean it.  He will help you make the decisions you need to make, help you to offer the forgiveness you need to give,  help you to face an illness with peace and strength (I can vouch for this one!  Heck, I can vouch for them all!)  

 I recently added a new song to my ipod.  One of my favorites.   It's "Bring the Rain" by MercyMe Bring the Rain.  The lyrics just melt me.  I hope they melt you too.  

Here's to a New Year filled with good health, joy and a heart  that brings you a little closer to God than you ever have been before!


  1. Hi Ruthie!!

    Here is a link to your song (which I love!) from --
    I use them for my player on my blog. Here is a link to the song itself:

  2. Oh, it's so good to hear from you, I've thought about you many times and wondered how you were doing.

    You have such a great attitude and are such a testimony to the great God we serve.

    I loved your bit of wisdom for us to take into this New Year. Last year was one of the most difficult of my life with my Dad's sudden illness, but the Lord saw me through each step of the way even when I didn't think I could go another step.

    Praying for you Ruthie and praying that you will not have to take all the chemo.

    Blessings to you and may the Lord give you all that you need to keep on keeping on. Hugs!

  3. I check for updates often, but this morning I realized I haven't checked since Christmas. The reason I remembered this, is because I was putting out my regular decor since all the Christmas stuff has been put away for days. When I repositioned my favorite framed Bible Verse that sits by my kitchen sink, my cancer necklace was still attached. It still means so much to my husband and I. It seems he's been cured, but we are 2 months from his first real "recheck" so the nerves are starting to resurface. As you know, there are no guarantees with cancer. So anyway...I was reminded of you, and I literally ran to my computer, and there it update. I am SO sorry you were so sick, but I am equally glad you are feeling better. Here's hoping (praying) your numbers are such that this round of chemo is over!

    Love you!

  4. I hope those numbers are just where they need to be so you can be free of the chemo. Glad that you are feeling better. ((HUgs))

  5. Ruthie ~ I am praying for you and hope you are doing well. You are an amazing and inspiring woman and I hope all of the best for you and your family. Congratulations on being "Cottage of the Month" at The Painted Cottage. I just love your home. To me, it is the essence of what 'home' should be ~ so warm, comfortable, and inviting.