Trust in Him...

“God healed me last night,” are the words I told my Mom in the kitchen this morning.  

My fingers don’t know what other words to type right now.  I’m still left in awe.  In amazement.  Do I believe God can heal?  Absolutely.  He healed my nephew’s ear when he was two.  That event changed my life.  I believe in God because of my nephew’s healing.  Did I believe God could heal me?  Sure.  Through conventional medicine and/or radically changing my lifestyle.  The way cancer is often treated.

Did I think the Hand of God could heal me directly? 

I don't think I had ever thought about it.

These last three days have been a journey.  A journey with a capital J.   I felt God leading me away from chemo and leading me to alternative medicine.  And even writing that seems insane because I never believed in alternative medicine.  

I am a full-blooded Safety Sadie.  

But I had complete peace with choosing no chemo this time.  And then I woke up on Sunday morning to utter confusion.  

On Sunday we went to our daughter’s softball game.  My niece said she would meet us there.  Being in the oncology field, I could tell she was concerned when I told her I thought I would forego chemo this time.   I told her I felt God’s peace with that decision, but that now I was utterly confused.  

I told her I needed prayer for discernment and for confirmation.  I told her I should ask my support group to pray for me.  

“You should do that right away,” she said.  

Her words were gold to me.

I texted my girlfriend and asked if the girls could get together tonight and pray for me.  Before I put down my phone, I received a text back.  

“We can meet at my house at 6:45.”

While there, I told my friends of my confusion.  Did I really hear God or was I making things up?  I told them I felt God was drawing me closer to Him, moment by moment, as if He was laying out pieces of popcorn for me to follow.  One “sign” after the next seemed to be His plan for me.  Or was it?

My girlfriend, with her Bible open in her lap, reminded me of the power of prayer.  And the power of God’s living Word.  Though I was praying for God to reveal what path He wanted for my healing, I was so busy researching things on the internet, talking to friends and being consumed with juicing vegetables (a staple in the alternative field), that I lost sight of prayer.  I lost sight of coming to Him directly with His Word in my lap.

When I got home late Sunday night, I began writing my blog to tell all of you that we had decided to put chemo off for one week and gather up all of our questions for my doctor to ask the following week.  But I wanted to end my blog with a verse so I went to find my Bible.

As I thumbed through it, I again saw the note I keep tucked inside written by my daughter’s teacher from last year.  

Ruthie,

I want to give you this verse from Psalms.  Psalm 20:7.

“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.”  (Substitute doctors, hospitals, chemo...whatever, in place of ‘chariots’ and ‘horses.’)  Then read the whole Psalm 20.  This one is for you today, this week!  

Much love and prayers, 

Mrs. B.

So I re-read Psalm 20:7.  And then read all of Psalm 20.  And I began reading Psalm 21.  As I read the words God had led me to read, I knew He was speaking directly to me.  I knew the Holy Spirit was within me allowing me to hear God’s voice.  

I KNEW HE WAS SPEAKING TO ME.

Between the words written in Psalms 20 and 21 as well as the words written above and below them, I knew God was telling me He had healed me from cancer.  And that it was never going to return.  

Did I jump up and say “Hallelujiah!!!”  No.  I sat there wrapped in my blanket in my rocker in awe.  I have been in God’s presence before.  I know the feeling well.  It’s unmistakable.  

Monday morning I woke up and felt normal.  Not high and not low.  But I knew what happened the night before was real.  

As I walked into the bathroom, I turned on my radio.  I always listen to KKLA while I’m getting ready.  I then heard Chuck Swindoll talking about God using ordinary people to do extraordinary things.  I had heard this phrase for the first time about three years ago.  It resonated in my soul. 

Just then, my son came in to take a shower.  He jumped in, then out and came back about five minutes later to ask me a question.  Right as he did, I heard Chuck Swindoll say again, “God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.”

I looked at my son Jake and said while pointing to the radio, “I want you to remember that you just heard that.”  I then pointed to myself with tears streaming down my face and said, “I am an ordinary person and God just did an extraordinary thing.”   I praised God that my son was there to witness that.

When I walked down to the kitchen, my Mom was standing there.  I walked towards her and putting both hands on her shoulders, I cried, “God healed me last night.  I know he did.”

My Mom was told by my sister 30 years ago that the Lord had healed my nephew.  She was now standing in my kitchen to hear of another healing.

It was surreal to know that I was miraculously healed the night before yet still had to make lunches and get my kids to school.  As I arrived at my daughter’s school, my girlfriend asked me how I was.  

“Great.  You’re going to think I’m weird, but I was healed last night.”  

And this is where the story gets weird.  Or shall I say divine?

She had brought a girlfriend with her to school who believes in healing.  Her family has been touched by God’s healing hand.  A lot.  And I want to stress “a lot.”  As we sat down at Coffee Bean, she rejoiced in my healing.  And felt God was telling her that He was using me to share the word “hope” with those around me.  I felt this was God’s confirmation to me that He had in deed healed me, and that I was not at all ready for a mental institution.

When I arrived home, I had told my parents about my morning.  My Dad said to me, “Honey, I have to ask you this.  How will you feel if tests don’t show you’re healed.”  And this is where my heart melted.  My Mom leaned over to him and said, “Bob, you sound like I did when Robin said Ryan’s ear was healed.  Have faith.  Have faith.”

I do have faith.  I have faith that the Lord of this universe has touched His hand upon me and healed me of cancer.  And I know you may be thinking, OK, she has completely lost it.  

And sometimes my mind gets the best of me tonight and replays it over and over.  Did I really feel God?  Is that what I sensed?  Is that what He really meant?  

And the answer is an overriding Yes.

I didn’t seek out God to ask Him to heal me.  I have been asking Him to direct my path.  To show me what path He wants me to choose for healing.  I long to be obedient to His calling.  My heart’s desire is to be obedient.  

As I was writing this post at 1:30 this morning, my sister emailed me.  She had awaken to a verse.  

“Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God.  I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen.  But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart.  I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.”

Mark 11:22-24 

Again, I pause before typing.  I’m overwhelmed.  I’m in awe.  I know God is real.  

So now the fun begins.  My nurse Paula will receive this email as she subscribes to my blog.  And I’m guessing when she reads this, she’ll be stunned.  Paula, are you stunned?  And then I realize some form of test (blood work, pet scan?) will need to be ordered.  

And the next chapter will begin...

“May He grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed.

May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the name of our God.  May the Lord answer all your prayers.”

Psalm 20:4-5

Trust Me, Part II

Well, before you pray for me before my Tuesday morning chemo, I want you to know there won’t be a Tuesday morning chemo.  

I'm excited to fill you in.

"Some trust in chariots and some in horses,

but we trust in the name of the Lord our God."

Psalm 20:7

Trust Me...

Well, while Ed and the kids were out on a bike ride this past  weekend, I went out for a walk.  I invited God to come along.  You see, I had another pet scan on Friday because my numbers were elevated.  And I needed His comfort and peace.  Again.

As I walked, I felt God whispering the words into my heart, "Trust. Trust Me."  

I found out this morning that my cancer has returned.  Now before you go all crazy on me, there is plenty of good news.

First, I don't need surgery (can I get a hallelujiah?!).  

Second, the cells they found have remained in my pelvic area.  Third, they're very small.  

Fourth, the chemo I require will allow me to keep my "naturally curly hair."  Keep.  You read that right.  

Fifth, I feel 100% healthy.   Not behind the eight ball like I was prior to chemo last time.  

Sixth, I still have the port in my arm which makes needle sticks so very easy.  

And finally, my odds for remission are very good.

Now I could go on and on with the good news.  

OK, maybe I will.  

8.  My parents are coming in on Thursday to begin the fun with us again.  I love having them here.

  

9.  My sisters, in-laws and friends are ready, willing and able for round two.  

10.  My kids were told the news this afternoon in all of five minutes.  They were just bummed to learn they have to clean out the litter box and help with laundry for awhile.

11.  I found a great couch last week that fits perfectly in our kitchen.  (I've always dreamed of having a couch that actually fit in our kitchen).  God knew I would be more comfortable lounging on a cute couch during chemo than sitting by myself in the family room.  To confirm that, the fabric I ordered to make the slipcover came today.  Coincidence?  I think not.  :)

And finally, that ol' oven-mit-chewing dog Tucker is sure to be by my side.  

So chemo begins on Tuesday.  This round will be a little different than the last.  I'll be going two Tuesdays in a row with one week off.  It will last for about four months or 12 cycles.  Totally doable.  You all remember how much I loved living in my pajamas! 

I told Ed on the way down to Cedars this morning, that though I spent a very long Labor Day weekend awaiting the results and feeling like a human Don't Break the Ice! game (ready to crumble at the smallest tap), I knew God had again prepared me for this news.  

When I shared my feelings with my girlfriend this weekend via an email, she replied, 

"I do believe God uses all of this to keep you close and dependent on Him!  You are much more radiant when you need Him!"

As I read that last sentence, it prepared my heart even more.  

Remember, cancer was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  During chemo, so many people told me I was glowing.  And I thought it was my new blush. 

But I believe it was from knowing that I felt the presence of my Heavenly Father.  I received His peace.  I felt His comfort.  

THERE IS NOTHING BETTER. 
Tears were shed today, but not too many.  My strength and courage come from Him.  

So though I thought these next couple of months would be filled with decorating our house for the holiday home tour and getting in shape with my new trainer, God apparently had other plans.  

So the words, "Trust Me" will lead me 
into the next chapter of my life.    

And I look forward to sharing that chapter
 with all of you. 

Ten Things I Learned This Summer...

Hi, everyone!

Well, I think all of our kids have returned to school by now and I'm guessing that most of us already miss the lazy days of summer.  I know I do. This was the first summer that my kids grasped the idea of sleeping in.  

God love 'em!

 I tried my best not to blog too much this summer as I wanted to keep my focus on my kids and not my blog.  So instead of writing ten different posts, I compiled them into one titled,  

Ten Things I Learned This Summer.

Number One.
I like green tea.

Coffee Bean has two great green teas called Strawberries 'n Cream and Japanese Cherries.  They're actually tasty.  And they're sugar free and good for you.
Just don't be tempted to add any sugar.
And if I'm off on the names (which I wouldn't be surprised if I am) just ask them for the green/fruit teas.

Number Two.

Eating 23 almonds a day is great for your body.

Go to almondboard.com and order one of these darling

tins to stash your daily alotment in.

 They're about $2 a piece and come in really cute prints. 

I thought I could just re-use an old Altoid tin, but these are smaller, and therefore hold less.   And absolutely pair your almonds with a dark chocolate square or two.  
My all-time favorite snack.

Number Three.
Ping pong brought me closer to my son.
For those of you who are Moms to active, athletic boys --
nightly ping pong games are a great way to stay connected to your growing boy.  Jake and I played most every night and it's a good way to hear about his day at school.   And may I add, I even beat him a few games. 

Number Four. 

Vacations with our kids
are more relaxing when they carry cell phones.
"Mom, we're getting candy at the gift shop.  
We'll be back in five minutes." 
 Ahhhhhh.
 (That's the sound of me relaxing on vacation).

Number Five.
Always put away your oven mits after you bake apple tarts.

Especially when this guy's around.

So, so guilty.  

He can't even look at me.

Number Six.
Dr. Scholl's Double Air-Pillos inserted into darling plaid
Converse sneakers actually make darling plaid Converse 
sneakers comfortable! 
(Sorry, Heidi!)
$2.99 at Bed, Bath and Beyond

Number Seven.
Brown rice and brocolli are fantastic for breakfast.
Or anytime.  
I hate brown rice, but I love this brown rice.
(Texmati, $5.99, Gelson's)
If anyone wants the recipe, I'd be happy to email it to you.
Step away from the bagel and cream cheese!  
Have some brocolli for breakfast!

Number Eight.
It's OK to indulge in my passion.  
Provided I do it in moderation.  
And better yet, maybe even bless someone in the process. Hmmm, who could that be?
Who do I know who needs my help? And doesn't expect it?
What fun!

This is a sneak peek of Rachel's new bedroom. I'll post more photos of it soon on my other blog.
 Decorating brings me great joy.  Decorating other people's homes brings me even greater joy.


Number Nine.
Speaking of blessing someone with your passion -- my path has again crossed with an amazing girl named Aimee.  Aimee had heard about my diagnosis and brought my family a meal during my chemo days.  She's a Mom to four young ones and still found the time to bring a stranger a meal.  I love her.  


Well, we began emailing each other just last week and she is now my official new fitness trainer.  We're actually starting a little work-out group up at Bethany this fall.  Anyone interested in thanking God for your healthy body and getting it healthier?  Come join us!

And 
Number Ten.
Devote your mornings to God.
Yes, I did sleep in this summer.  Way in.  Yes, I sometimes failed to start my days with Him.  But, oh, how good it feels to connect with God and praise Him for all He has so richly blessed me with.  


I'm still reading Jesus Calling daily and loving it.  And I look forward to reading so much more than I ever have before.
I picked up this cute little book shelf at Goodwill for $4 and many of the books on its shelf were just $2.
I can't wait to read each and every book it holds.  
And it looks cute in our kitchen.

So that's what I learned in a nutshell.
I was reminded to care not only for my body, but for my soul.
To start my day with Jesus, fill my day with good food and exercise, and end my day with gratitude.


So here's to a healthy, memorable Fall.
May each of your days be blessed 
with walking a little closer to God.


And for any of you who live nearby, don't forget Calvary's 
Club 31 bible study starts soon (next week I think) 
and Chelsea Cameron's 24/7 Family class 
starts again in October.
I love them both.
You can register at 
calvarycc.org.

Loyal with a Capital L...

Many years ago, my husband and I went to Laguna Beach for the weekend.  While shopping, we saw this man walking his dog.  There was something about that dog that I just loved.    I remember thinking that if I ever had a bad day at work, I could come home and a dog like that would just make me laugh.  

A few years later, Ed and I were married.  It wasn’t yet time to have kids, but it was time to get a dog.  But given that we lived in a very small condo, I knew I had to put my love for a big golden retriever aside, and find a small dog that could adapt to our small space.  And then I remembered that funny-looking dog from Laguna, and began looking in the newspaper for a breeder.

I called Ed one day and said I found a breeder nearby.  I was sure that this was the dog I wanted.  On the drive out there, Ed played the role of my Dad - “Now you know, honey, we’re just looking.  We’re not going to get the first dog we see.”

Fast forward three hours, and there we were sitting with this nice couple and the last two puppies in their litter.  Ed kept holding both of them up in the air in the palm of his hands as if scrutinizing a brilliant diamond.  

“I think we’ll get this one,” he proudly said.  So much for the lecture on the ride there.

So the three of us drove to the nearest Target to get our new “child” all of her necessities.  I stayed in the car with her and called my parents to tell them they had just become grandparents to an eight-week old Jack Russell terrier we named Bailey.  

One hour later, I saw my husband pushing two, yes two carts, down the parking lot to our car.  He excitedly showed me her new collars, leashes, towels, baby tub (for babies, not dogs!), assorted shampoos, chew toys, several brands of dog food -- the list went on and on.  If Bailey could talk, I’m sure she would have said, “SCORE!  I’m going to live like a queen!”  And she did.

Though we both worked all day, that dog had it made after 5 p.m.  I would take her out for daily walks every day, and she lived at the park on the weekends playing frisbee for hours.  We can prove it.  We have hours of videotape of her making amazing sky-high catches.  Ask my parents, the poor souls who were subjected to watching them whenever they came by for a visit.  If there were a frisbee tournament held in Calabasas, that dog would have taken first prize.  

When we weren’t playing frisbee with her, we were taking her to the mall to sit on Santa’s lap or to the pumpkin patch to get a photo of her amidst a field of pumpkins.  When we brought both of our kids home from the hospital, it was Bailey who announced to our friends and family that Ed and I had become parents.

This morning I woke to find her breathing very quickly.  After my doctor appointment, I sat with her and stroked her nose.  I vividly remembered all the good times we had shared and tried to forget the few moments of anger I felt as I had to clean up yet another mess from her ailing body.  

As I grabbed a beach towel to wrap around her, I found her lying under my desk.  She was on her side and struggling to breathe.  The kids and I placed her in the car and made our way to the vet.  I don’t even think she made it out of the driveway.

As I sit here and allow my fingers to recall thirteen years of life with Bailey, I love that her last few minutes of life were beneath my desk.  At my feet.  Though I often forgot about her needs after my kids were born (and am filled with guilt about that), she epitomized what every dog should be.  Loyal with a capital L.

Good bye, Bailey.  We will miss you forever.