“God healed me last night,” are the words I told my Mom in the kitchen this morning.
My fingers don’t know what other words to type right now. I’m still left in awe. In amazement. Do I believe God can heal? Absolutely. He healed my nephew’s ear when he was two. That event changed my life. I believe in God because of my nephew’s healing. Did I believe God could heal me? Sure. Through conventional medicine and/or radically changing my lifestyle. The way cancer is often treated.
Did I think the Hand of God could heal me directly?
I don't think I had ever thought about it.
These last three days have been a journey. A journey with a capital J. I felt God leading me away from chemo and leading me to alternative medicine. And even writing that seems insane because I never believed in alternative medicine.
I am a full-blooded Safety Sadie.
But I had complete peace with choosing no chemo this time. And then I woke up on Sunday morning to utter confusion.
On Sunday we went to our daughter’s softball game. My niece said she would meet us there. Being in the oncology field, I could tell she was concerned when I told her I thought I would forego chemo this time. I told her I felt God’s peace with that decision, but that now I was utterly confused.
I told her I needed prayer for discernment and for confirmation. I told her I should ask my support group to pray for me.
“You should do that right away,” she said.
Her words were gold to me.
I texted my girlfriend and asked if the girls could get together tonight and pray for me. Before I put down my phone, I received a text back.
“We can meet at my house at 6:45.”
While there, I told my friends of my confusion. Did I really hear God or was I making things up? I told them I felt God was drawing me closer to Him, moment by moment, as if He was laying out pieces of popcorn for me to follow. One “sign” after the next seemed to be His plan for me. Or was it?
My girlfriend, with her Bible open in her lap, reminded me of the power of prayer. And the power of God’s living Word. Though I was praying for God to reveal what path He wanted for my healing, I was so busy researching things on the internet, talking to friends and being consumed with juicing vegetables (a staple in the alternative field), that I lost sight of prayer. I lost sight of coming to Him directly with His Word in my lap.
When I got home late Sunday night, I began writing my blog to tell all of you that we had decided to put chemo off for one week and gather up all of our questions for my doctor to ask the following week. But I wanted to end my blog with a verse so I went to find my Bible.
As I thumbed through it, I again saw the note I keep tucked inside written by my daughter’s teacher from last year.
I want to give you this verse from Psalms. Psalm 20:7.
“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” (Substitute doctors, hospitals, chemo...whatever, in place of ‘chariots’ and ‘horses.’) Then read the whole Psalm 20. This one is for you today, this week!
Much love and prayers,
So I re-read Psalm 20:7. And then read all of Psalm 20. And I began reading Psalm 21. As I read the words God had led me to read, I knew He was speaking directly to me. I knew the Holy Spirit was within me allowing me to hear God’s voice.
I KNEW HE WAS SPEAKING TO ME.
Between the words written in Psalms 20 and 21 as well as the words written above and below them, I knew God was telling me He had healed me from cancer. And that it was never going to return.
Did I jump up and say “Hallelujiah!!!” No. I sat there wrapped in my blanket in my rocker in awe. I have been in God’s presence before. I know the feeling well. It’s unmistakable.
Monday morning I woke up and felt normal. Not high and not low. But I knew what happened the night before was real.
As I walked into the bathroom, I turned on my radio. I always listen to KKLA while I’m getting ready. I then heard Chuck Swindoll talking about God using ordinary people to do extraordinary things. I had heard this phrase for the first time about three years ago. It resonated in my soul.
Just then, my son came in to take a shower. He jumped in, then out and came back about five minutes later to ask me a question. Right as he did, I heard Chuck Swindoll say again, “God uses ordinary people to do extraordinary things.”
I looked at my son Jake and said while pointing to the radio, “I want you to remember that you just heard that.” I then pointed to myself with tears streaming down my face and said, “I am an ordinary person and God just did an extraordinary thing.” I praised God that my son was there to witness that.
When I walked down to the kitchen, my Mom was standing there. I walked towards her and putting both hands on her shoulders, I cried, “God healed me last night. I know he did.”
My Mom was told by my sister 30 years ago that the Lord had healed my nephew. She was now standing in my kitchen to hear of another healing.
It was surreal to know that I was miraculously healed the night before yet still had to make lunches and get my kids to school. As I arrived at my daughter’s school, my girlfriend asked me how I was.
“Great. You’re going to think I’m weird, but I was healed last night.”
And this is where the story gets weird. Or shall I say divine?
She had brought a girlfriend with her to school who believes in healing. Her family has been touched by God’s healing hand. A lot. And I want to stress “a lot.” As we sat down at Coffee Bean, she rejoiced in my healing. And felt God was telling her that He was using me to share the word “hope” with those around me. I felt this was God’s confirmation to me that He had in deed healed me, and that I was not at all ready for a mental institution.
When I arrived home, I had told my parents about my morning. My Dad said to me, “Honey, I have to ask you this. How will you feel if tests don’t show you’re healed.” And this is where my heart melted. My Mom leaned over to him and said, “Bob, you sound like I did when Robin said Ryan’s ear was healed. Have faith. Have faith.”
I do have faith. I have faith that the Lord of this universe has touched His hand upon me and healed me of cancer. And I know you may be thinking, OK, she has completely lost it.
And sometimes my mind gets the best of me tonight and replays it over and over. Did I really feel God? Is that what I sensed? Is that what He really meant?
And the answer is an overriding Yes.
I didn’t seek out God to ask Him to heal me. I have been asking Him to direct my path. To show me what path He wants me to choose for healing. I long to be obedient to His calling. My heart’s desire is to be obedient.
As I was writing this post at 1:30 this morning, my sister emailed me. She had awaken to a verse.
“Then Jesus said to the disciples, “Have faith in God. I tell you the truth, you can say to this mountain, ‘May you be lifted up and thrown into the sea,’ and it will happen. But you must really believe it will happen and have no doubt in your heart. I tell you, you can pray for anything, and if you believe that you’ve received it, it will be yours.”
Again, I pause before typing. I’m overwhelmed. I’m in awe. I know God is real.
So now the fun begins. My nurse Paula will receive this email as she subscribes to my blog. And I’m guessing when she reads this, she’ll be stunned. Paula, are you stunned? And then I realize some form of test (blood work, pet scan?) will need to be ordered.
And the next chapter will begin...
“May He grant your heart’s desires and make all your plans succeed.
May we shout for joy when we hear of your victory and raise a victory banner in the name of our God. May the Lord answer all your prayers.”