Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Faith 101

Hi.  Ready for the news?

The blood test performed today shows my CA125 is still elevated.  133 to be exact.  It was 93 two weeks ago.  It's climbing.

Am I devastated?  Honestly?  Fingers not crossed behind my back.
No.  I feel God had prepared me for my blood work to not reflect my healing.  Hear me out.

Sunday night I went over to the lake to pray.  I needed to be with Jesus.  Away from my house.  Away from commotion.  Away from noise.  I needed to hear Him.  He lead me to read a story about Elijah.   A guy I knew nothing about.

Elijah had been promised a miracle from God.  

Oh, great, I thought.  A story about miracles.  So up my alley right now.  
God's timing is perfect.

To my dismay, I read that Elijah's miracle didn't come right away.  The miracle was in the form of a storm.  Could God have opened the sky on Elijah's behalf and allowed it to rain cats and dogs and even goats?  Absolutely.  Did He?  No.  He made Elijah wait.  And wait.  And wait.  

Oh, Lord, please don't be talking to me, I thought.  You've promised me a miracle and I want it now.  I r-e-a-l-l-y don't want to wait for it.  
 (I kind of sounded like that Veruca girl from Willie Wonka).  
But I knew He was speaking to me.  

Then I read, "The sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain came on" (1 Kings 18:45).

God was faithful.  The storm came.  He can be no other way.

And remember the woman who wrote me that note in my last post?  Mrs. B, my daughter's teacher?  When she had heard that my cancer had returned, she called to tell me, "God is faithful."  That's all she had to tell me.  I have said those three words over and over and over since that phone call.  
God is faithful.

So, this little journey I'm on is apparently called Faith 101.  Do you still want to ride along?  Believing in something you cannot see.   A very challenging subject.  
And I thought math was hard.

Is there an outside chance that I misunderstood God when I felt He had healed me?  Yep.  Do I think I misunderstood Him?  Not really.

This past week has been quite emotionally draining for me.  By sharing my belief that God has healed me with all of you, I feel a ton of pressure to be healed.  Because if I wasn't, then wouldn't I be responsible for shattering some or all of your faith in God?  
That's a fun position to be in, isn't it?  Jealous?

So I will press on.  Asking God each day to reveal His plan for me.  
And I know He will.

After reading about Elijah, the article concluded with this:

"Dear Lord, I worship you, the One, true God!  You are mighty and powerful; full of never-ending compassion and love.  Please help me to see you when I face trials and to trust Your heart when circumstances discourage me.

'Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always.'
Psalm 105:4
Keep it handy.  Read it out loud.  Memorize it."

I will do just that.

I have told my husband that I know I wasn't seeking healing.  I believe God blessed me with it.  I also told my husband that I never wanted to be put in this position, to be responsible for others peoples' faith.  But then I remember what my favorite pastor Charles Stanley says. 
 "Obey.  And leave all the consequences to Him."

Will do.

The article I was referring to can be found on 
Girlfriends in God



  1. I couldn't wait to hear what God was going to do! Do you want to know what I think? I think that God has some BIG plans for you and I am excited to have a front row seat on Faith 101. When I was praying for you this morning God gave me 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, "Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment is working for us afar more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. My dear friend, keep you eyes focused on the unseen. It is clear that He is giving you eyes to see.

  2. Ohhhhh this is amazing stuff. And yes, I still want to be on this journey with you.

    Please write often -- for those of us not lucky enough to be near you geographically! :)


  3. I consider it one of my greatest blessings to have been invited to enter this classroom with you, so yes! Sign me up! I can't wait to sit at the feet of our Master teacher and learn the ways of faith.

    Please write often....caring hearts want to know, and pray, and rejoice, and journey with you. (Plus...I've never been good at waiting. I have a feeling "WAITING" is probably lesson 1 in the Faith 101 curriculum!)

    I love the quote by Charles Stanley.

    Sitting beside you,