Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Trust Me...

Well, while Ed and the kids were out on a bike ride this past  weekend, I went out for a walk.  I invited God to come along.  You see, I had another pet scan on Friday because my numbers were elevated.  And I needed His comfort and peace.  Again.

As I walked, I felt God whispering the words into my heart, "Trust. Trust Me."  

I found out this morning that my cancer has returned.  Now before you go all crazy on me, there is plenty of good news.

First, I don't need surgery (can I get a hallelujiah?!).  
Second, the cells they found have remained in my pelvic area.  Third, they're very small.  
Fourth, the chemo I require will allow me to keep my "naturally curly hair."  Keep.  You read that right.  
Fifth, I feel 100% healthy.   Not behind the eight ball like I was prior to chemo last time.  
Sixth, I still have the port in my arm which makes needle sticks so very easy.  
And finally, my odds for remission are very good.

Now I could go on and on with the good news.  

OK, maybe I will.  

8.  My parents are coming in on Thursday to begin the fun with us again.  I love having them here.
9.  My sisters, in-laws and friends are ready, willing and able for round two.  

10.  My kids were told the news this afternoon in all of five minutes.  They were just bummed to learn they have to clean out the litter box and help with laundry for awhile.

11.  I found a great couch last week that fits perfectly in our kitchen.  (I've always dreamed of having a couch that actually fit in our kitchen).  God knew I would be more comfortable lounging on a cute couch during chemo than sitting by myself in the family room.  To confirm that, the fabric I ordered to make the slipcover came today.  Coincidence?  I think not.  :)

And finally, that ol' oven-mit-chewing dog Tucker is sure to be by my side.  

So chemo begins on Tuesday.  This round will be a little different than the last.  I'll be going two Tuesdays in a row with one week off.  It will last for about four months or 12 cycles.  Totally doable.  You all remember how much I loved living in my pajamas! 

I told Ed on the way down to Cedars this morning, that though I spent a very long Labor Day weekend awaiting the results and feeling like a human Don't Break the Ice! game (ready to crumble at the smallest tap), I knew God had again prepared me for this news.  

When I shared my feelings with my girlfriend this weekend via an email, she replied, 

"I do believe God uses all of this to keep you close and dependent on Him!  You are much more radiant when you need Him!"

As I read that last sentence, it prepared my heart even more.  
Remember, cancer was one of the best things that ever happened to me.  During chemo, so many people told me I was glowing.  And I thought it was my new blush. 

But I believe it was from knowing that I felt the presence of my Heavenly Father.  I received His peace.  I felt His comfort.  
Tears were shed today, but not too many.  My strength and courage come from Him.  

So though I thought these next couple of months would be filled with decorating our house for the holiday home tour and getting in shape with my new trainer, God apparently had other plans.  

So the words, "Trust Me" will lead me 
into the next chapter of my life.    
And I look forward to sharing that chapter
 with all of you. 


  1. My precious friend,
    Oh, to have a heart like yours...a heart that trusts HIM completely. You ARE truly radiant, a true reflection of your Heavenly Father. No wonder you glow! :)
    You (and your God-inspired, faith-lived-out words) have become SUCH a treasure to me. While you rest in God's peace and bask in His comfort, I will fight this battle with you on my knees.

    Love and prayers to you, beautiful Ruthie-

  2. What a treasure it is to all of us to have you share your unfolding walk with this "task" He has entrusted to you. You will likely never know the full extent of the influence you have on people all over the country, simply by writing what He puts on your heart.

    Please keep us updated as you go forth so we can be praying effectively for you!