God Threw a Rock...

Ok, this post is a long one (but a good one!)  

Got a cup of coffee, I mean green tea?

OK, so we spoke with Dr. Block after we returned home from Chicago.  We had a three-way conversation with him.  We love him, by the way.  While Ed and the doctor were talking, I was listenting, but I had a thought I had never had before.

"Lord, did you turn me away from chemo right after my second diagnosis so that I would be led away from Cedars and their form of treatment only for you to lead me to the Block Center?  Was 'no chemo' temporary or permanent words from you for my healing?"

Oh, what a heavy heart I now had.

 The next morning, I learned my CA 125 number taken in Chicago was now up to 215 from 133.  It's a climbin'.  

It needs to be under 9.

 I had prayed that I would see a glimpse of God's healing in all that blood work that was drawn.  But that was not His plan.  

I'll be honest.  I had a rough day.  Really rough.  Though through all my tears, I was wrestling with myself, not God.  I know God is faithful.  And I was mad at myself that I had lost it.  Did I really feel His healing hand on me?  I was beginning to doubt me, not God.

Just then, a sweet friend of mine had come over.  I told her my story through my tears.  As she was leaving, she said, "You know, instead of you going to Chicago for chemo and getting an apartment or flying back and forth, why can't you see about hiring one of their nurses to come to you?" 

A girl who thinks outside of the box.  I like that.

(Remember, the Block Center is the only cancer program in the country who does chronotherapy, or a way of coordinating the body's biological rhythms with the application of chemo.  They feel every drug has an optimal time of application when the chemo is least toxic and the most effective.  In Europe, there's over 40 centers that do this).

After she left, I started reading a book I had ordered last year called Living God's Will (Reading and Applying God's Signs for Your Life) by Eddie Rasnake.  I began reading the chapter on Wise Counsel:

"So how does wise counsel relate to God's will?  It is my conviction that we should not base a conclusion about God's will or leading from only one area.  Although God does give us leading through His peace (which He has certainly blessed me with during this whole cancer thing!) and because of the danger of misinterpretation, it is unwise to draw a conclusion based only on God's peace. " 

I just happened to underline that paragraph in my book, when the very next day, one of my most treasured friends came over.  Oh, and thee most bibically wise woman I have ever known.  

She began telling me that God doesn't just drop us a "clue" and leave us there to figure it out.  He continues to lead us down His path.  She was telling me this because she felt God has clearly led me to the Block Center.  And to their chemo.  And to their integrative/nutritional program that I was so drawn to.  

And she also reminded me of a few more things: 

that I was the one who felt God leading me to the Block Center, 

that I was willing to fly to Chicago even though I  NEVER 

(repeat never!) want to fly.

 (Note: we've given trips away that we've won because I won't get on a plane!), that both Ed and I were very impressed with their approach to cancer, 

and that I've prayed that Ed and I would both have peace with my path to healing.

I was beginning to see her point.  

But I still didn't have peace with it.

I told her that God would need to throw a big rock through my window with a note that read, "I meant no chemo temporarily!"  

I hugged her good-bye and knew that God had brought her into my kitchen that morning.

Two hours later, my other wise friend came to drop Rachel off from school.  

She asked how our morning together went.  I told her my friend's perspective.  I asked her what her take on all this was.  She paused, and then said it was very clear to her that God had led me to the Block Center.  And to chemo.  I again told her that God would have to throw a rock through my window for me to have peace with doing chemo.

As I closed the door, tears stung my eyes.  "Lord, I feel if I do chemo, I'm being disobedient to you.  Did you mean no chemo?  Or no chemo back then?  I have limited time to make such an important decision.  Please continue to guide me."  

And I knew He would.

The next morning while I was standing with my daughter waiting for school to start, another wise friend of mine-slash-teacher at her school asked how my morning went with our mutual friend.  I repeated the story again.  She also agreed that God was leading me to the Block Center.  And to chemo.  (In case you're keeping score, that's three wise women in a 24-hour period who feel they clearly see God's hand in all of this).  I had also mentioned to her about my other friend's idea of hiring a nurse to come to me.

Now, this is where the story gets good...

A few seconds later, my friend says, "Ruthie, I don't know if this is a God thing or not.  But do you know a mom here named Audrey?  I was with her last week in the school kitchen and she turned to me and said, 'I don't know why I feel led to tell you this, but I'm an R.N. and I want you to pray for me as I feel God is nudging me back into the nursing field."

I thought, OK, that's interesting.

Just then, as the second bell rang to start school, my friend sees Audrey walking out to the parking lot.  As I saw her run after her, I noticed there was not one other Mom anywhere on campus.  Just Audrey.  She brought her back, quickly introduced the two of us and walked her class into school.

Audrey had looked familiar to me as we've passed each other in the parking lot, but we had never met.  

So I sat down and told her my story.  

I ended with, "If God is really leading me to Chicago for chemo, then I pray that the Block Center would be open to sending us a nurse trained in their form of chemo so I don't have to fly there 24 times or live there on and off for 4 months." 

And that's when she told me that she was a med/surg nurse with a background in oncology.  That she had just recently gotten

 re-certified and had felt God gently nudging her back into the nursing field. 

 Oh, and did I mention, she LOVES to fly? LOVES it.

So we both just sat there in amazement.

I felt she was an answer to my prayer.  And she felt I was an answer to her prayer.

God threw the rock.  And I believe her name is Audrey.

So this is the deal.  We will be contacting Dr. Block and proposing a plan.  A plan that's never been done before to our knowledge.  I pray that he is open and willing to think out of the box on this one.  I think it's about time that he has a nice satellite office in beautiful Southern California!  Maybe at the Longevity Institute? No harsh, below-zero winters here!  Heck, we'll even put some of his patients up at our house who come in for a day of chemo!  And serve them a Block-approved breakfast, of course! 

And just to let you know, my claim to fame while working at UCLA many moons ago, was that my colleague and I were the first two employees to job share there.  So ya see, age-old protocols can change if you just think out of the box.

So... all of this to say that I know God is still leading me.  This big journey is new to me and I'm willing to stumble along the way because I know He will pick me back up.  He has brought so many special women into my life who encourage me with His scripture.  Bringing me just what I need when I need it.  Lifting my name to Him in prayer.   

Thank you all.

You are using your gifts!

So I believe another trip to Chicago is in my immediate future.  I did love it there, right?  The flight wasn't all that bad, right?  We flew Virgin American and they had little tv sets on all the backs of the headrests.  I actually watched The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (my guilty pleasure) all the way there while eating wheat crackers and almonds.  I can do that again, right?

I just pray that I continue to be obedient.  

May He be glorified throughout my entire journey.

Faith in the City...

The Blind Faith Cafe in Evanston, Illinois.

Was that a perfect place for me to eat, or what?

We got home late last night.  On the ride home, we all agreed that this trip ranked as one of the best vacations we've ever had.  So great, that our kids want to return every year.   Even I loved it so much, I didn't want to come home.  And that says a lot, because I'm always ready to come home.  

Our first stop was the Block Center.  Ed's Uncle Bob and Aunt Julie came in to Skokie and watched the kids for us as our appointment was about six hours.  That was an answer to prayer -- and I didn't even have to pray about it!

And since it's getting close to Halloween, I'll treat you to just one spooky photo...

They took 20 viles of my blood!  

(Ed also checked in as a patient and they took 16 of his.)

They use blood work to determine the best course of action in terms of lifestyle changes.  I should get back my CA125 number this week and the rest of the results in two weeks.

We met with an internist, nutritionist, psychologist and oncologist.  And get this - they mentioned they also had a patient from Westlake Village who happened to be in the next room!  So she popped her head in to say "hi", we exchanged phone numbers, and I look forward to meeting her for lunch one day soon.  What are the odds of that!   

So the bottom line is that they recommend I start chemo soon.  And I kind of expected that.  But I shared with them that I feel God will heal me without the use of chemo.  I'm sure they haven't run into too many patients like me before.  

Before my trip, my friend gave me a book to read.  In it, I found the verse, 

"Let us hold fast the confession of our hope 

without wavering, for He who promised is faithful."

Hebrews 10:23

The day after my appointment, another friend texted me the same verse.  

How many verses are in the Bible?  Odds of that one being texted to me?  Yeah, you get it.

So after we got the doctor stuff out of the way, we headed to downtown Chicago.

This was the view from our hotel window.

And let me tell you, Chicago is my kind of town.

The architecture is stunning, the people are so friendly, and there are mums and kale everywhere!

They even have raw juice bars in their malls!

This was my lunch --

carrots, celery, beets and an apple!

After shopping at their 8-story mall, 

we headed to Northwestern University where Ed's Dad went to school.  It's in Evanston on the edge of Lake Michigan.  

This is their admissions office...

I would have gone there just for the building!

This is one of probably 200 churches we saw while driving around town.  They are everywhere!  And they are stunning!

And I could have moved into any one of these old homes...

Love the windows!

But this was our favorite home of all...

(Sorry, too much glare from the pond, but you can see the outline of the house).

This is Ed's aunt and uncle's house.  It sits on 7 acres.  It has no fences.  A pond.  A red barn.  Four miniature horses, 8 cats and one absolutely adorable Border Collie named Allie.

That's her playing football with the kids.

They filled their house with hospitality, Ed's extended family and birthday cake and gifts for Rachel's 10th birthday.  

We didn't want to leave.   

But we did.  And God so blessed us with a 

wonderful family vacation.  

And I have just as much peace as I did before we left.  I continue to praise Him for His healing and continue to ask Him to strengthen my faith.  And I will continue to trust in

Hebrews 10:23 

and Hebrews 10:35-36

"Therefore do not cast away your confidence, which has great reward, for you have need of endurance, so that after you have done the will of God, you may receive the promise."

Thank you, Pam, for these verses that melt my heart.

And now ... I'm off to do loads and loads and loads of laundry.

A minor complaint after an amazing trip.

We'll talk soon...

Following Where He Leads...

"Thank you for your healing.  Thank you for your guidance."  That's what I've been saying to God this week.  

Even though I feel God has put His healing hand upon me, I also feel there's another component to my healing.  
Food.  
When I received my second diagnosis, I knew the word "food" was going to play a big role in my recovery.  

As I felt lead away from doing chemo this time, I was beginning to understand how a plant-based diet was instrumental in our health.  Within these last two weeks, so many doors have opened for me to learn about a raw diet.  What is a raw diet? Uncooked hamburgers and raw french fries?  Nope.  
Just God's foods. Plain and simple.
Fruits and vegetables and grains and nuts.  You know, all the things we think we should be eating, but aren't.
 I have come to undertstand how vital they are to our health.

So long story short, after much prayer, I feel God has lead me to find the Block Center Program for Integrative Cancer Treatment near Chicago.  What is one of their key lines of defense against cancer, you ask? Nutrition.  My kind of place, wouldn't you say?  It's been around for 30 years.  Who knew?

So off to Chicago we go.  In a plane.  All four of us.  My husband's from Illinois and our kids have never been there.  So given that it should be stunning in the fall (my favorite season!), we'll combine a little bit of knowledge with a little bit of fun.  My husband's aunt and uncle live about an hour away from the center and they have eight cats and a shetland sheep dog.  That should be the highlight of the trip for me and Rachel!

This past week has been great. 

 I have carved out time just for God.  No running around to my favorite, cute antique stores to get my fix. 
 (Fix no longer needed).  


Just time listening for His voice.  
Sensing His direction.  
Memorizing scripture (or trying to!)
And feeling His peace.  
There's no place I'd rather be.


It's a shame that a cancer diagnosis brings me here, isn't it?  
I don't ever want to leave.  Leave behind the cancer diagnosis?  In a heart beat.  Leave behind time alone with Him?  Never.
The first time around, I was really good at making God first in my life.  And then a funny, little thing happens.  You begin to feel healthy and strong (kind of back to normal) and then you venture out into a busy life again.  I aim never to do that again.
At the end of a busy day, you're tired.  But you were able to cross everything off your list.  Big whoop.
In the scheme of things, not important to me anymore.
Don't get me wrong.  Basic things still need to get done around my house.  But I always seemed to get a few more things added to my list that had everything to do with me, and nothin' at all to do with Him.  

So, I continue to give my decision of going to the Block Center to God.  I told my husband that if I feel God is leading me away from it, then we'll cancel my appointment.  He says fine.  But he still wants to take the kids and show them Chicago.    
I like his thinking.

I'll leave you guys the link to the Block Center.  Anyone living with cancer or in remission from cancer (or anyone who wants their body to be at its healthiest!), should click on their site and read a few of their articles.  
So common sense.  So informative.  So good.

blockmd.com


Thank you for all your prayers and encouraging emails.
Now go eat a salad with more vegetables than lettuce and throw some sunflower seeds on it!

Letting His Words Lead You...

I awoke this morning to a body that didn't want to go to my daughter's early morning softball game.  I came down with shingles this week.  Am I old or what?  I thought only 80 year olds got this thing!  While my dermatologist was looking at my leg, I had told him that my cancer had returned, and that I had felt God leading me away from chemo this time around.  I reminded him that I would have had two rounds of chemo in me prior to getting shingles.   He said it was good that I had listened to God's leading.  Chemo and shingles aren't a good mix.

So after my husband and daughter left for today's game, I made a healthy breakfast and turned on the t.v.  I found my good friend Dr. Charles Stanley speaking on the topic of discernment.  Right up my alley.  Again.

He was teaching that God gives us His Word and the Holy Spirit to help guide us.  And if we turn to Him for all of our decisions, big and small, He is faithful to guide us.  I know that to be true.

So while I was listening to his sermon, I felt I needed to share with you how God answered a very important prayer of mine.  Twenty two years ago.

I had been dating a guy in high school who I just loved.  We had dated for seven years.  I think we broke up once for about an hour.  He was a great, great guy.  But I always knew I wouldn't marry him.  So one night on my 21st birthday, my girlfriends took me out for the night.  At the last restaurant we went to, I saw this guy sitting in the booth next to ours.  As soon as I saw him, I leaned over and told my bestfriend, "There's my husband."  She said, "Right.  Haver another drink."  

I don't drink.

To make a very long story short, I broke up with my boyfriend five days later and began dating this other guy the very next night.  I know, I don't waste any time.  I knew on our first date that I wanted to marry him.

We dated for two years.  All I wanted was a proposal.   

One day, as he was getting his watch fixed, his jeweler showed me a few wedding rings.  The first ring I tried on was the one I wanted.  I could just feel that ring on my finger as The Future Mrs. Marek.  After that day, I remember we talked about how much we both loved Christmas.  I kind of had a feeling that he'd propose around that time.  

So two days before Christmas, he came home from work early (an anomaly!) and said, "Hey, look under the Christmas tree.  What do you think that small box is?"  

My heart sank.  First off, being a typical girl, I wanted an amazing and romantic proposal.  Not, "Hey, what do you think that small box is under the Christmas tree."  

And second of all, which I haven't told you all yet, is that I had always been praying for God's direction for a husband.

So even though the moment my eyes met Ed's and I knew I wanted to marry him, I still gave my decision over to the Lord.  

"If this is the man you want me to marry, Lord, show me," was always my prayer.  For two very long years.

So when I saw that little box under the tree, I knew I had a decision to make.  Quickly.  My heart wanted to scream, "YES!!!" when Ed asked me to marry him, but I also wanted to desperately obey God and His plan for my life.   

The next day brought Ed and my Dad together for lunch.  Ed had asked me to call my Dad to see if he could "talk to him about something."  I knew what he meant.  Again, so not romantic!  Me calling my Dad to see if Ed could ask for my hand in marriage.  Nice.  Apparently, Ed never took the "How to Romantically Propose to Your Girlfriend" class.   So he called me after their lunch and said he would tell me all about it at dinner.  He then asked me to make the dinner reservations.  He's such a romantic.

OK, so now you're up to speed on Ed's end.  But this is where the story gets good.  Amazingly good.

The night I saw the little box under the Christmas tree, I was almost distraught.  "Lord," I cried, "I have been asking you for two years to show me if this is the man you want me to marry.  He's proposing tomorrow.  I need an answer from you.  Why aren't you listening to my prayers?!"  

I grabbed my Bible and went into the bathroom.  I sat against the wall with the door closed.  

"Lord, if you tell me not to marry him, I won't.  I know Ed will be furious with me and think I'm a whack-o, but all I want to be is obedient to Your will."

OK.  Get ready for the good part.

Ed's street address was 4345.  "Someone" prompted me to read Psalms 43 and 45.  Again, even though I loved the Lord with all my heart, I rarely read the Bible.  I didn't even know where the Psalms were in the Bible and didn't even know if they went up to 45.

Psalm 43:4 

"O my soul, why be so gloomy and discouraged?  Trust in God! I shall again praise Him for His wondrous help; He will make me smile again, for He is my God!"

I remember thinking, Wow.  I have been gloomy and discouraged.  God is speaking to me right now.  And I'm kind of freaked out.

Psalm 45:11-15

"I advise you, O daughter, not to fret about your parents in your homeland far away.  Your royal husband delights in your beauty.  Reverence him, for he is your lord.  The people of Tyre, the richest people of our day, will shower you with gifts and entreat your favors.

The bride, a beautiful princess, waits within her chamber, robed in beautiful clothing woven with gold.  Lovely she is, led beside her maids of honor to the king!  What a joyful, glad procession as they enter in the palace gates!"

Ok, really?  

I remember knowing I was in the presence of the Holy Spirit for the first time in my life.  I was absolutely sure God had just spoke to me while sitting on the bathroom floor.   The feeling I had that night was the same exact feeling I had the night I was told that God had healed me from cancer.

So long story short (again!), he proposed and I said, "Yes!"  I had highlighted the scripture in my Bible and wrote, "Thank You, Jesus!  Dec. 22, 1989" next to Psalm 45.  I told Ed I said "yes" because of God's faithfulness to me.

Now, does that mean our life has been a fairytale?  Absolutely not.  Did we want to pack our bags and call it quits a few times?  Absolutely.   But how amazing it is to stand on His promise of obedience. 
By the way, we celebrated our 18th anniversary last week.

Dr. Stanley reminded me again this morning how very important the words of the Bible are.  We are to ask the Holy Spirit to guide us and help us understand them.  And always reach for them when we need guidance.  If you're interested in hearing Dr. Stanley speak on this subject, go to his website at intouch.org.

This week has been filled with anti-shingles medicine, lots of rest, prayer and research.  I have told a few people this week that I feel like a two-year-old whose Daddy is holding her under the tummy with both hands while he's standing knee deep in the ocean.  Yes, I'm in the cold, scary ocean.  And you know I'm not fond of the beach.  


But I feel God's warm hands beneath me, bringing me peace.

Faith 101

Hi.  Ready for the news?

The blood test performed today shows my CA125 is still elevated.  133 to be exact.  It was 93 two weeks ago.  It's climbing.

Am I devastated?  Honestly?  Fingers not crossed behind my back.
No.  I feel God had prepared me for my blood work to not reflect my healing.  Hear me out.

Sunday night I went over to the lake to pray.  I needed to be with Jesus.  Away from my house.  Away from commotion.  Away from noise.  I needed to hear Him.  He lead me to read a story about Elijah.   A guy I knew nothing about.

Elijah had been promised a miracle from God.  

Oh, great, I thought.  A story about miracles.  So up my alley right now.  
God's timing is perfect.

To my dismay, I read that Elijah's miracle didn't come right away.  The miracle was in the form of a storm.  Could God have opened the sky on Elijah's behalf and allowed it to rain cats and dogs and even goats?  Absolutely.  Did He?  No.  He made Elijah wait.  And wait.  And wait.  

Oh, Lord, please don't be talking to me, I thought.  You've promised me a miracle and I want it now.  I r-e-a-l-l-y don't want to wait for it.  

 (I kind of sounded like that Veruca girl from Willie Wonka).  
But I knew He was speaking to me.  

Then I read, "The sky grew black with clouds, the wind rose, a heavy rain came on" (1 Kings 18:45).

God was faithful.  The storm came.  He can be no other way.

And remember the woman who wrote me that note in my last post?  Mrs. B, my daughter's teacher?  When she had heard that my cancer had returned, she called to tell me, "God is faithful."  That's all she had to tell me.  I have said those three words over and over and over since that phone call.  

God is faithful.

So, this little journey I'm on is apparently called Faith 101.  Do you still want to ride along?  Believing in something you cannot see.   A very challenging subject.  
And I thought math was hard.

Is there an outside chance that I misunderstood God when I felt He had healed me?  Yep.  Do I think I misunderstood Him?  Not really.

This past week has been quite emotionally draining for me.  By sharing my belief that God has healed me with all of you, I feel a ton of pressure to be healed.  Because if I wasn't, then wouldn't I be responsible for shattering some or all of your faith in God?  

That's a fun position to be in, isn't it?  Jealous?

So I will press on.  Asking God each day to reveal His plan for me.  

And I know He will.

After reading about Elijah, the article concluded with this:


"Dear Lord, I worship you, the One, true God!  You are mighty and powerful; full of never-ending compassion and love.  Please help me to see you when I face trials and to trust Your heart when circumstances discourage me.


'Look to the Lord and His strength; seek His face always.'
Psalm 105:4
Keep it handy.  Read it out loud.  Memorize it."


I will do just that.

I have told my husband that I know I wasn't seeking healing.  I believe God blessed me with it.  I also told my husband that I never wanted to be put in this position, to be responsible for others peoples' faith.  But then I remember what my favorite pastor Charles Stanley says. 
 "Obey.  And leave all the consequences to Him."

Will do.


The article I was referring to can be found on 
http://www.kkla.com/
Girlfriends in God