Human...

Well, this week I was a failure.  A big one.  I met with my doctor Tuesday morning to hear that she found something on my cat scan that wasn’t there on the last one. Maybe cancer.  Maybe scar tissue.  We scheduled a pet scan for yesterday.  

That appointment with her rocked my world.  I know there’s a chance my cancer can return, but so soon?  Didn’t I just blog about my one-year anniversary of being chemo free?  I wanted to bask in that a little longer.

So, being completely honest, I was a zombie for two days.  I told only a few people.  Didn’t tell my family.  Didn’t want to worry them.  They’ve worried enough about me this past year.  

I cried all day and all night.  I cried at Costco.  I cried taking out my trash cans.  I cried at stop lights.  

But wasn’t I the girl who’s been speaking at bible studies (five so far!) about how God has given me such peace throughout my cancer journey?  Wasn’t I telling everyone to stand on Phillipians 4:6-7 

“Don’t worry about anything.  Instead pray about everything.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I haven’t lied.  God did wrap me in His peace from the moment my ears heard the word “cancer” almost two years ago.  And I absolutely believe in Phillipians 4:6-7.

It wasn’t until two precious friends of mine left this on my front porch the night before my pet scan.

Each balloon held the words to

Isaiah 41:10

"So do not be afraid, for I am with you.  

Do not be dismayed,

for I am your God.

I will help you."

As I sat with this verse later that night, it reminded me to stand firm on His promises.  I was not standing on them.  I had a third of my baby toe ever so lightly resting on them.

So two hours after the pet scan, while buying chocolate covered almonds (dark ones remember!), I received a phone call from my nurse Paula telling me in such an excited voice, “It’s normal!  The pet scan was normal!  Enjoy your life!”  I love Paula.

So I pretty much failed my first real cancer scare.  


So what did I learn this week? 


 I think it was to rely on His Word daily.  
Not just when you need it.  
Live it.  
Learn it.  
Apply it.  
Memorize it.  
Breathe it.  
Know it.  
Share it.  
Believe it.  
Stand on it.  
Daily.

I’m human.  I hate that.  

Happy He is Risen Day!

Happy He is Risen Day!
I used to say Happy Easter.

I love Happy He is Risen Day! so much more.

This Easter has meant so much to me.  So much so, that I 

completely forgot that the Easter Bunny is even involved in this holiday.  

I forgot that he fills Easter baskets and hides colored eggs.

I remembered that this morning.  Not two weeks ago.  This morning.

  Nice.  

And I love that I didn't decorate my house with every Easter decoration that

I've ever bought.  No need.  Antique rabbits and little sweet baskets 

never saw the light of day at my house this month.  A first!

Although I did place one small vintage postcard in our dining room mirror.

My thoughts were not focused on rabbits and chicks.  

But rather, on the fact that He is Risen!

That's all the Easter decorating I did this year.

Oh wait, I forgot.  Besides placing the He is Risen sign above my daisies,
I did tuck our big plastic Easter eggs

in the flowers in front of the picket fence.   
My neighbor told me her son looks forward to seeing those.
  Can't disappoint him.

And another difference this year.

 I took the kids to the Good Friday service at church.

Never done that before.

And my sister invited us today to see the Passion Play

at Grace Baptist Church in Santa Clarita.

Amazing.  Utterly amazing.

On a scale from 1 to 10, it's a 20.

You MUST see that next year.

I will see it every year.

Isn't this a beautiful cross in a beautiful setting?

As we were walking back to our car after the play,

I saw it tucked behind the church parking lot.

I had to take a picture.

Whenever I find myself back in Santa Clarita,

I hope to take the time to sit beside it.

And honor Him.

In silence.

With tears in my eyes.

And joy in my heart.

For what He did for me, and you,

is truly humbling.
And amazing.

"He is not here;
for He is risen!"

Matthew 28:6

Amazing Friday...

Today is Good Friday.  

I think it should be called Amazing Friday.

Or I-Can't-Believe-He-Did-That-For-Us Friday.

Or Thank-You-Jesus Friday.

Or Loved-Us-So-Much Friday.

Good Friday just doesn't do it for me.

Regardless of the title, I thank Him

for dying on the cross for us.   

Immensely.

I stepped on a staple last night in my bare feet and it 

brought me to tears.

I can't imagine having nails driven into

my wrists and my feet.

Thank you Jesus for your grace.

Thank you Jesus for the promise of Heaven.

One Year Ago...

It just dawned on me that my one-year anniversary of being chemo free came and went a few days ago.  I love that it slipped my mind.  

I love that I was too busy to notice.  

My life, post cancer, is what I always hoped it would be.  

A life filled with joy. 
 A life in which very little slips by without much appreciation.  
A life that’s, in all honesty, too good to be true.   

This too-good-to-be-true life comes with horrifically curly hair, 
periodic cat scans 
and some nasty scars.  
But more importantly,
 it comes with an indescribable sense of peace.  
And peace trumps horrifically curly hair any day!

Lord,

Thank you for carrying me through this trial.

Thank you for your indescribable peace.  

Thank you for the best year of my life.

Amen.

One of My New Favorite Words...

I like Friday’s.  I feel closer to God on Fridays.  

Can’t explain it.  I just do.

Today was no exception.  This morning I had the honor of sharing my testimony with a room full of Moms at church.   I’ve shared my story three times now, and each time I do, I am reminded of God’s goodness.  He has equipped me to do His will, and for that, I am simply in awe.

For the first time, I had placed a mini tape recorder on the podium and taped myself speaking.  I doubt I’ll ever sit down and listen to it.  I think I would cringe all the way through it.  Oh, why did I say it that way or I wish I would have said it that way, I’m sure, would fill my thoughts.   

But I taped it for two reasons.   First, my Dad.  I think my Dad especially gets a kick out of me speaking.  When he sat among 250 women at my first talk, he was as excited as I was that God gave me the ability to share my story.  My parents live in Arizona so a quick ride in to hear the same story wasn’t gonna happen.  So I taped it for both my Dad and my Mom.  

Secondly, I taped it for my kids.  I doubt they know how much I struggled with being a Mom when they were young.  I’m sure my daughter will understand the challenges of being a Mom only when she herself becomes a Mom.   I’m very honest when I speak about the adjectives I use to describe myself as a young Mom: miserable, empty, unfulfilled, guilty.  It wasn’t until Jesus whispered into my heart “be still” at a church retreat several years ago that I came home and re-prioritized my life.   God first.  Family second.  And any thing after that, doesn’t really mean too much to me anymore.  OK, not true.  I love my cats.  And my garden.  And my friends.  Just being honest.

So after I spoke, I found myself dropping off my little tape recorder to a company that could convert it onto a CD.  And then I remembered that there was a cute little store in that area that I’ve been meaning to wander into.  

In this sweet little store, I found a bowl of wooden blocks.  And we all know that I can't resist anything that has words, letters or numbers on it.    As I picked one up, I noticed that the side facing me read speak.

So I told the owner that I had just spoken at church and shared with her how God has changed my life, and that this little block needed to come home with me.  She wrapped it up as I handed her a five dollar bill.  She handed me back four dollars and seventy five cents.   She said she knew if she gave it to me for free, I wouldn’t have accepted it.   She charged me a quarter.  I think she’s my new best friend!

And speaking of my new friend, I promised her that I would feature her new store on my blog.  There’s not too many stores around here that make me melt.  And this one definitely does.  And it’s brand new, so I’d love all of you to take a peek at her creativity and passion for all things old and yummy.   So when I have a minute to grab my camera and run over to her store, I’ll be happy to share this little gem with you.    I’ll post it on 
thechristiangirlscottage.blogspot.com 
soon.

So enjoy your weekend.  Maybe a wet one, who knows.  Maybe just hunker down, rain or shine, and enjoy the heck out of your family.

God Doesn't Make Mistakes...

There are a number of people in my little world who I greatly admire.   I admire them for who they are, not what they have.  

My nephew Anthony no longer has the use of his legs.  He’s been in a wheelchair since he turned 21.  A bad accident on a cold November’s night changed his life forever.   

However, on this cold morning 18 years later, he spoke to a room full of kids at my daughter’s school.  

He shared with them that he had been drinking and lost control of his motorcycle and crashed into a telephone pole.  He told them that he had died twice on the way to the hospital.  He told them that he had spent six months in the hospital.  He told them that he didn’t have God in his life.  

The room fell silent when he began to cry about how his Mom would pray for him.  How it was so important that he find and know the Lord.  

Several months after his accident, his weak and frail body made it home.  He faced a new life without the use of his legs.  This avid motorcycle/surfing/baseball playing guy entered a new world.  Everywhere he turned, he encountered people who said they were praying for him.  And within a few months, he gave his life to Jesus.  

I’m going to guess that no one in that room this morning will ever forget him or his story.   The kids won’t.  The teachers won’t.  And the parents won’t.  

He filled that room with hope.  And encouragement.  And delivered a lesson for all to remember -- God has a plan for your life.  

I remember walking into the ICU the morning after his accident.  I remember that he was unrecognizable.  I remember his tongue was as thick as an encyclopedia.  His eyes were black and blue, his shattered leg was held up by two steel rods and the number of tubes and machines I saw were overwhelming.  

I also remember taking him out into the sunlight for the very first time after his accident.  He hadn’t seen the sun in over six months.  As my sister and brother-in-law placed sunglasses over his eyes and wheeled him outside of the hospital, I remember looking at his thin, thin body that was barely able to sit upright in the wheelchair.  This strapping six foot guy who loved to jet ski now struggled to hold himself up.

And I remember standing there, choking back the tears and thinking, 
God, what did you do?  
Why did this happen? 
 How could any good ever come out of this?

And I’m sure God was saying, “I don’t make mistakes.  

Remember Jeremiah 29:11 --

For I know the plans I have for you.  

They are plans for good and not for disaster, 

to give you a future and hope.” 

When I was facing cancer and my very long recovery, I looked to my nephew as my inspiration.  I remember what he looked like and what he couldn’t do.  And then I remembered what he looks like now and what he can do.   And what he does do.  For everybody.  

He is the epitome of encouragement.  
He is the poster child that God Does Not Make Mistakes.  

Though his legs no longer work, his heart is in overdrive.  

Thank you, Anthony, for sharing your story with all of us at 
Bethany Christian School!

xoxo!!!

What a Difference a Year Makes!

As we raised our glasses to celebrate our son's acceptance into Oaks Christian Middle School, it dawned on me that exactly one year ago tonight, I was 

leaving Cedars-Sinai after a nine-hour chemo infusion.  

My fifth one.  

I was bald, thin and exhausted.

What a difference a year makes!

I have hair (notice my curls are gone!), 

I've packed on a few pounds and 
I often see 1 a.m.

as often as I see 1 p.m. 

Mom, you did not just read that!  

(She hates that I stay up so late).

So clearly, this St. Patrick's Day goes down 
in the books as the 

best St. Patrick's Day ever.  

I thank God for restoring my health.

I thank God for His abundant grace.

And I thank God for my precious family.

"In His kindness God called you to share in His eternal glory 
by means of Christ Jesus.  
So after you have suffered a little while, 
He will restore, support and strengthen you, 
and He will place you on a firm foundation.  
All power to Him forever.  
Amen."

1 Peter 5:10-11