Human...

Well, this week I was a failure.  A big one.  I met with my doctor Tuesday morning to hear that she found something on my cat scan that wasn’t there on the last one. Maybe cancer.  Maybe scar tissue.  We scheduled a pet scan for yesterday.  

That appointment with her rocked my world.  I know there’s a chance my cancer can return, but so soon?  Didn’t I just blog about my one-year anniversary of being chemo free?  I wanted to bask in that a little longer.

So, being completely honest, I was a zombie for two days.  I told only a few people.  Didn’t tell my family.  Didn’t want to worry them.  They’ve worried enough about me this past year.  

I cried all day and all night.  I cried at Costco.  I cried taking out my trash cans.  I cried at stop lights.  

But wasn’t I the girl who’s been speaking at bible studies (five so far!) about how God has given me such peace throughout my cancer journey?  Wasn’t I telling everyone to stand on Phillipians 4:6-7 

“Don’t worry about anything.  Instead pray about everything.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

I haven’t lied.  God did wrap me in His peace from the moment my ears heard the word “cancer” almost two years ago.  And I absolutely believe in Phillipians 4:6-7.

It wasn’t until two precious friends of mine left this on my front porch the night before my pet scan.

Each balloon held the words to

Isaiah 41:10

"So do not be afraid, for I am with you.  

Do not be dismayed,

for I am your God.

I will help you."

As I sat with this verse later that night, it reminded me to stand firm on His promises.  I was not standing on them.  I had a third of my baby toe ever so lightly resting on them.

So two hours after the pet scan, while buying chocolate covered almonds (dark ones remember!), I received a phone call from my nurse Paula telling me in such an excited voice, “It’s normal!  The pet scan was normal!  Enjoy your life!”  I love Paula.

So I pretty much failed my first real cancer scare.  


So what did I learn this week? 


 I think it was to rely on His Word daily.  
Not just when you need it.  
Live it.  
Learn it.  
Apply it.  
Memorize it.  
Breathe it.  
Know it.  
Share it.  
Believe it.  
Stand on it.  
Daily.

I’m human.  I hate that.