4345...

Know what I was doing 19 years ago today?  I was getting married to a guy I had met in a parking lot on my 21st birthday.  Six years later, we were married.  And 19 years after that (today), we were sitting in an oncologist's office.  Who woulda' thought?

As I've said before, God knew that Ed was meant for me.  Know how I know?  

Read on...

So the moment that I laid eyes on Ed, I turned to my girlfriend and said, "There's my husband."  Truth be told, I had a boyfriend at the time so I shouldn't have even noticed him.  But I did.  

We went out the very next night after I broke up with my boyfriend.  And on our first date, I could have given him my left hand and said, "the rings goes right here."  But I have a little more class than that.  Just a little.

So, even though I knew I wanted to marry Ed, did God want me to?  I began praying for His guidance.   Two years later, around Christmas time, I noticed a small box under the tree.  

"Hmmm.  I wonder what that is," he said while pointing it out.  I was devastated.  We had gone to his jeweler about a month earlier to get his watch fixed and I had tried on an engagement ring.  Now there it was under the tree.  Where was my surprise proposal?  But more importantly, where was my answer from God?

That night, knowing the proposal was coming,  I took my bible and went into the bathroom and sat on the floor.  

As I leaned my back against the wall, I cried, "Lord, I have been asking you for two years if Ed is the man you want me to marry.  And I haven't heard a thing from you.  If you say no, I will walk away.  Ed will kill me, but I will.  I just want to obey you."

Within seconds, the numbers 4345 came to my mind (Ed's address at the time).  Psalms 43, 45 to be exact.  Now just to let you know, I rarely read my bible.  To prove to you that I rarely opened up that beautiful book, I didn't even know if the Psalms went up to 45.  

As I turned to Psalm 43, it read --

"Why so discouraged?  Why is my heart so sad?  I will put my hope in God!  I will praise Him again - my savior and my God!"

Given that I had asked God for two years if this was the man for me, I would say that I felt absolutely discouraged when I received no answer, no direction.  When I saw that word "discouraged", it took my breath away.  When I saw the following verse, it took more than my breath away.

Psalm 45:10 --

"Listen to me, O royal daughter; take to heart what I say.  Forget your people and your family far away.  For your royal husband delights in your beauty; honor him, for he is your lord.

The princess of Tyre will shower you with gifts.  The wealthy will beg your favor.  The bride, a princess, looks glorious in her golden gown.  In her beautiful robe, she is led to the king accompanied by her bridesmaids.  What a joyful and enthusiastic procession as they enter the king's palace!"

OK, so now I was actually scared.  I was scared to be in the bathroom with the Holy Spirit as He gave those words to me.  Nothing like this had ever happened to me before.  The feeling that God -- God!-- was with me in that tiny bathroom in Calabasas was a feeling I will never forget.  In fact, it's the same exact feeling I felt when God gave me the words of healing one year ago in my family room.

When they call the Bible the living Bible, I get it.

I so get it.

So though we've had our highs and lows in 19 years of marriage, I have always known that I have a foundation from God to stand on.  Though I have said, "I'm done!" a few more times than I can count, I knew I never would be.   I live to be obedient to God.  Even if it hurts sometimes.

So this afternoon my husband and I spent our anniversary in my oncologist's office.  The new plan is that I begin a new regimen this Friday of chemo every two weeks and a daily chemo pill at night.   In case you're wondering, I won't lose my hair.  And I'm grateful.  Because I've been sporting a new hairdo that I actually like.  And if I recall what I looked like when my hair grew in (picture pubic hair all over my head!), I am really glad I get to keep it!

   

So, Sweetie, I dedicate this post to you.  Happy Anniversary.  The card I got you (spoiler alert!) reads:

I need you

I want you

I love you.

Today

Tomorrow 

and Always.

Happy Anniversary.  

I look forward to 19 more.
By the way, I drove over to our old condo today and took a photo of our old address.  
I love that address.
See above.